Alone

So sometimes i wonder if life is passing me by and I am going to miss it. Let me start over, I have been getting this feeling recently that one say I will wake up and find that life has passed me by, that all my friends are married and have families and that i will be alone. Now, i dont mean that i want to start looking desperately for a relationship but it makes me wonder. To clear this up – I do not “need” to have a girlfriend in order to function. I have just seen a few movies + tv show recently where I see people in these great relationships and (yes i know its TV not real life) I wonder if i will ever have something like that. I have a few friends that I look at and wonder “What are they doing differently that makes them so perfect” (No I’m not jealous of them i just wish i knew what was different)  While all of my peers are no where near the “marrying stage” I do have some older friends that are hitting that “mark” right now and I just gets me thinking. I know this sound weird but sometimes I just feal alone when some of my friends go and hang out with their girlfriends (I’m not mad at them for that)  and I am left alone. I know this sounds really sad, pitiful, etc. but, yea. My biggest fear (other than clowns – JK i don’t like clowns cause they are stupid but im not scared of them) is that I will be like 23+ without anyone. I don’t really venture out of my comfort circle and i don’t for see my self hanging out in a bar (and even if i did i doubt i would have the courage to walk up and talk to some girl i had never met) so i have to ask myself where am I going to find that “someone special” after i get thrown out into the real world. Once again I know this sound odd but Its how i feel sometimes.

Myspace blogs are moving in :)

You probably noticed the influx of around 5-6 new blogs. These were pulled from my old myspace blog. I wanted to seamlessly integrate them by setting there posing date to the date i actually posted them but Word Press doesn’t have that feature so here they are right in the middle of everything. Not all blogs were moved over for reasons not stated here and some of the blogs were edited for spelling and removal of names >.>

-Josh

War in Iraq? Save Darfur? (Myspace)

before i start i would like to point out that i will listen to anyone who disputes my views with an open mind and i hope you do the same

“You cannot sway a man from a position that he is not willing to be swayed from”

Read with an open mind and so will I

The war in Iraq was brought on by many things but here is our stated reason for invading. ” stated reason that Iraq had not abandoned its nuclear and chemical weapons development program according to United Nations resolution 687.” also “When Iraq invaded Kuwait, the UN’s Security council under Chapter VII of the United Nations Charter, adopted resolution 678, authorizing U.N. member states to use “all necessary means” to “restore international peace in the area.”"
after we removed Iraq for Kuwait we said we would back off if Iraq would discontinue its nuclear research program. Alas we did not believe that Iraq really did/saw a chance to take out a dictator and bring democracy to Iraq. While reports are at both ends of the spectrum it would seam that some people want us there and some don’t. That however is not the point i am making. We steeped in to help an oppressed people and did the best we could however we are criticized. moving on to Darfur, please tell me why all the tree-luggers fuss about Iraq and then lead protest to INTERVENE to help Darfur. Why sould i support this if later i just get yelled at for the amount of Americas that would/will lose their lives if we tried to help the people of Darfur. I feel that we can do no right?!?! I would rather let all those people be oppressed then go thought what i have had to go though for Iraq. If we act we are punished and if we don’t then we are also punished. am i seeing this wrong? someone want to explain anything?

Thinking….Please Wait (Myspace)

Ok so I’m not really sure about what i am going to do with this blog i just felt the urge to write.
So the APUSH test is finally over and i can’t tell you how happy I am about that. I am not sure how bad i did on it yet and i won’t know till June. We get to watch movies in APUSH for the rest of the year now. We will about have a small project to boost out grades.

Ok often in my life i just sit around and think. When i have nothing else to do or when i am in Science class

I think about lots of random stuff and most of all i try and reason with myself about what views i want to take on a certain issue. I try not to make decisions until i have reached both sides to the argument. I also think up ways to respond to different questions that are asked of me so that when asked i will have answers that are well thought out and actually convey what i was to say. I feel that i times i strike back too harshly at someone who supports a view opposing my own. The best example of this is the issue of gay rights. I don’t think any less of some if they are gay or not. I don’t Hate the person  who is gay i merely hate what they are doing. I don’t claim to have all the answers nor do i want to. So no i am not claiming “divine right” and the ability to say what is right and what is wrong. I have read much of the Bible and i feel that it clearly states that being homosexual is wrong. Leviticus 18:22 says “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” that pretty much sums it up for me. Once again i do not Hate gay people  While never mentioned in the Bible “Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner” is something i TRY to live by. Another controversial issue is evolution. Now some believe that we came from simple single-celled organisms (which are actually VERY complicated) others believe God Spoke us into existence and there are still others that believe god sparked evolution. Well i believe that God Spoke us into existence. I may be wrong and this verse can have many interpretations “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” “Of the dust” could mean that god created man thought evolution IDK. I wish someone who supported evolution 100% (no God involved) read this and could tell me how they think we as humans gained consciousness. No matter what anyone does they cannot bring something to life without pre-existing life.  Science shoots it’s self in the leg on this one there is this acronym that you can use to decide if something is science or not i can’t rem. it right now but it “sounds” like Conpit but I can’t rem it. Anyways on of the letters stands for consistent and while one could argue that people aren’t popping up (created by God)  everywhere on can also argue that people aren’t crawling out of mud puddles (primordial soup) either. Also scientist have YET to create life. Also why can’t people live forever with all artificial body parts? why cannot we replace all of someones organs and make them live forever? because people have souls animals don’t talk and there are NO animals that are even close to our lvl of intellectuality. ok i can’t see the screen anymore my vision is blurring so i need to get some sleep ok i really didn’t get to say all i wanted so i may blog more later

**Note views change over time and this entry might not directly reflect  the writers  current views on the issue

What if (insert friends name here) Died? (Myspace)

ok once again i am not suicidal

Ok i had a dream (not any civil rights movement type) that one of my very close friends died and i had to call his family, and other close friends. I don’t know why i remember this dream so clearly because i usually forget all of my dreams right after i wake up. This dream had a weird impact on me because i was truly devastated (in the dream) after this person died. I woke up at one point in the night to get a drink and as soon as my head hit the pillow i fell back into this sad nightmarish dream. (notice how that only happens with BAD dreams) so anyways, when i woke up in the morning i sat/laid in my bed pondering how many of my friends, if they died, would i we truly devastated over. This is not to say that i would not be VERY sad if any of my friends died but there are a few that i am closer to or have know for a big/important part of my life. I know this is kinda a depressing blog – sorry- but i just wanted to throw that thought out there of “is there a person/friend in my life that means a lot to me and i could live with them?” We watched a movie in history today about this black kid that got killed in the south that helped spark civil rights movements – the movie was boring but – one kid who was friends with the kid that was killed said “I couldn’t believe he was dead, i saw him laying there in the coffin but i kept thinking that i would see him again and that he wasn’t really dead” Now i know one or two of you are probably thinking duh in heaven but really, some of my friends i just wouldn’t be able to grasp the concept of never see them again in this life. idk maybe these are the rantings of a delusional kid – maybe not. Just a thought to ponder in your free time…

One generation plants trees, and the next enjoys the shade (Myspace)

“One generation plants trees, and the next enjoys the shade.”

ok i read this while reading some profound sayings. This is something that i hadn’t ever given much thought to. My youth group is a perfect example of this. My next door neighbor’s (Brian Henderson) age group was the last “big” group at my church. They grew so large because the older kids encouraged them and be-friend them. Unfortunately his age group didn’t reach out as much to the younger group and because of this the age group didn’t grow at it’s lower levels. I’m sure you have seen  one of those population pyramids that show how many people are in each age group. It is like the older kids didn’t “have kids” so there is no base and this show right now in my church. we have like 3-6 seniors that come to our Wednesday night event. we have a few more juniors and a little more sophomores. We have a lot of freshmen and eighth graders because they are just so happy to be apart of youth group that they don’t care. I feel that our sophomore class is the slightly larger size it is, because during the gap between fifth grade (when we were part of the “children’s church”) and seventh grade (when we used to be “admitted” into youth group) most of us became very good friends and we brought other friends from school and stuff into our group. this was due to the fact that we were somewhat “forgotten” and not part of a group. Unfortunately when we were going into our eighth grade year (one year after being in the youth group) they decided to let 6th graders join the youth group for all events except our Wednesday event. this caused a problem because the 6th graders lost an important year of “bonding”. Our youth group needs to reach out and regrow our severed limp (youth group) we had an attendance that was close to 100 one year before i entered the youth group and it had dropped (due to the senior class two years ago) to a number around 50-80 after that senior class left (which was strong because of the kids older than them) the attendance dropped to a low of 30ish after we started up a “planning” group for TAS (our youth group event) numbers climbed to a new high of 50 then because of holidays we didn’t have this “planning” group meet for about 4-5 weeks and attendance fell once again to 30. My age group is the only hope my church has left to pump life back into the program. If we don’t reach out to the younger kids and strengthen our own age group then our  TAS will die. a slow and painful death – sad yes, true yes

Role Model (Myspace)

(Wikipedia) – Role model – refers to a person who fills his or her role as a good or bad example for others. A good example is a positive role model. A bad example is a negative role model. The term role model on its own is usually taken to mean a positive role model.

A positive role model carries out a role demonstrating values, ways of thinking and acting, which are considered good in that role. Others hopefully will follow the example. A woman professor can be seen as a role model for other women, on the strength of her furthering of the profile of women in academia. Alternatively, she could be seen as a role model for aspiring academics, regardless of their gender, on the strength of her academic achievements and/or dedication to her chosen discipline.

I would say a role model is usually older and is someone you want to be/be like. I wonder if most people really know what kind of an influence they have over the younger generation. My role model with put a doubt is Brian Henderson, my dad also plays a part but for my immediate future I look right to Brian Henderson. If you don’t know who I am talking about then… well idk. He is my next door neighbor and I used to want to be just like his brother Nate because he was the cool popular one who was always at the center of attention. When I was in 3-4 grade I realized that Nate and Brian were twins. I still didn’t know either one too much but in my 5^th grade year we moved next door to them and I am glad we did. I because pretty good friends with both of them but still wanted to be like Nate. I would play video games with Brian sometimes but I am sorry to say I kind of used him in the fact that I would go play video games with him but if I had to choose to do something with him or Nate I would choose Nate. I don’t know exactly when but I think when I was in late 8^th grade year that I started straying away from wanted to be like Nate and I realized how much more mature Brian was. He also seamed like a better role model because by my standards he “ranked” higher. I will not go into my ranking system/what I though was important. Ever since then I have look to Brian for what to do. Now I have never told him any of this but I hope he knows. Idk how to say this but if you have ever had a role model you may know what I am talking about. You want them to know how influential they were. It is really hard to understand but here’s an example if someone shows you how to do something or they give you something you wanted, you want to so appreciation towards them it is the same thing. Sorry if this is confusion. The funny thing is Brian can read this if he wants cause he is on my (PR) list but I’ll be anything he will never nor was ever read any of my blogs. It’s kind of like when you want to tell someone something but you have no good way to bring it up in conversation without sounding stupid so you hint at it like “guess what I did last night?” – “What’ – “never mind” then you have sparked their curiosity and they press you till you finally tell them what you wanted to tell them in the first place. I know you have ALL used this method before so that’s what is like. Well that’s kind of it I don’t have much more to talk about. I just wanted to talk about how important older kids are to us/me and remember that some day if not now younger kids will look up to you, make sure you are a good role model and remember we see no faults in our role models and they will see no faults in you either. If your role model ever trips up it can hurt you a lot cause this person that was perfect to you has fallen and it hurts. So remember that if ur ever a role model. Ok I have a little more to talk about. Trust is so important, if I ever tell someone something I expect them to not tell anyone else unless it’s not important or I tell them that they can tell other people. I have burned people and got burned by people when I tell them something then they go and tell their friends and other connection and then it comes back to hurt me or someone who is my friend. It really sucks cause you thought you could trust that person but then they go and screw it all up by telling someone else. It sucks but I have learned that there are some people who I just can’t confide in because they don’t understand the word secret. So remember if you can’t keep a secret don’t expect people to confide in you because you have already screwed up big time in their eyes and they will have no reason to EVER trust you again UNLESS you earn back their trust. I have been pretty high on the “trust ladder: with some people and then I do something stupid and I fall right back down to the bottom again and it is hard to work your way back up! That’s all thanks for reading!

Should i be going out with someone i don’t want to spend the rest of my life with? (Myspace)

So I was talking to some people about different stuff when of all things they asked my advise/opinion (strange isn’t it ) of but really what stuck me as odd/weird/cool The question went something like this

“If i don’t want to spend the rest of my life with XXXXXXXX then should i still go out with them?”

well i don’t have a perfect answer to this question but my main point is gave back to them were :

I kinda think that why go out with someone if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them

but on the other hand

If you don’t REALLY like anyone i guess there is nothing wrong with dating to get to know someone cause not everyone know when they start to go out with someone that they want to spend the rest of there life with that person. There are a few problems with the “Casual” dating
first of all if you lead that person on that your going out with and they think you actually like them then you can and WILL do a lot of damage to that person when and if you ever decide to break up with them you WILL hurt them less if you make sure they KNOW that you aren’t madly  in love with them of course this can lead to loss of friendships and hurt feelings also so just be careful when you are in a relationship also the other problem is “Middle School Dating” of please  will someone tell me what the heck is going on with this?!?! I dated in middle school twice and once it lasted for 3 months and other lasted for (i can’t rem) over 1-2 months. even though this is slightly better than the “period – to – period” relationships it isn’t that great. It is almost always that the people going out do REALLY LOVE each other. I didn’t LOVE anyone until right after school started freshman year. so yea if you are in a relationship for less than 2-3 month or more then there is probably a problem especially if you have had multiple relations like this. thats just my take on it. My sister went out with one of her friend for 1 period WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!? now that’s not a one month type period thats one school day not even an hour period! yeah so just yea my advise (to sum it up) is just be careful not to hurt the person you go out with. One of the girls i went out with in middle school is now my Girlfriend and the other girl i went out with (who never really liked me) is one of my very good friends so it is possible to still be friends after you break up just give it some time. it took about 3-4 years before ***** and I started going back out again and Emily and I started being good friend maybe a little more that a year after we broke up. thank for reading!

Would i die for you? (Myspace)

  Would i die for you? (PR)
Current mood: accomplished

ok if you haven’t noticed already pretty much all my new blogs WILL be preferred list ONLY so yea but if ur reading this then your on it and you have nothing to worry about. If you want to be on my preferred list then just send me a message and i will add u unless i hate you

Ok let me get into the whole message of this blog – would i die for you. now if you know me pretty well then you know that i like to think ahead and try to guess what people are going to ask me so i have a response ready to come back with. This best works for me when someone is asking me a question that they think would take some time for me to answer and i spit out an answer right away now you are probably asking what does this have to do with dieing? well in my head i have a list of people that i would gladly give my life for. now publishing that list would be awful for me seeing how i would alienate some of my friends now i will tell you the obvious – one of the first on my “list” is ***** and I am sure that even if we weren’t going out she would still be pretty high up there. among some of the other people on the list are my next door neighbors, most (yes i mean most, not all) of my church friends and a good portion of my school friends. you are probably asking why would he think of who he would die for? well i’m glad you asked I have thought of multiple situations where i would be able to choose if I were to die or someone else. ex: guy pulls a gun aims it at Scott I jump in front of bullet – now some of you (KKS) are probably thinking “Josh couldn’t move fast enough to get in front of a bullet” but my point is if it was at all in my power i would give my life for certain people. the one example that is easiest to visualize is a columbine situation. If poeple came into our school with guns and threatened to kill people i would gladly give my life to save almost ANYONE in our school. a good line to live by is “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” my life for X amount of lives. Ok even though the name of the blog is “Would i die for you?” I will not answer that question  and i will talk about other topics

Enders Game

ok if you haven’t read this book then you need to! I cannot thank Brian Henderson enough for telling me to read this (he will never read this blog) book. this book has changed the way i think and live my life. laugh if you must but after reading this book i decided to make small changes in my life. one thing that pops out in this book is the loyalty. one of the main characters doesn’t have many friends but the vert few friends he has – he is VERY loyal to. After reading about that i decide not to lie to any of my friends again unless is was for their own good and this is not to say that i used to always lie to them but now i always think twice before saying anything (that may be kinda confusing) their are many other small things that i read and then made small changes in my life but i can’t remember all of them right now

ok thats about it but i may add more later thank you for reading this cause i know it must be confusing to read and follow!

Why we do what we do (Myspace)

Be for i jump right in let me add that in no way i want to kill any one and i’m not suicidal!

Ok you may have noticed this before but for me this idea has always kinda been in the back on my mind. Why do humans do certain things? Columbine, for example why would two kids kill people the went to school with every day? the media tells us it was because they were picked on and they hated the people who made fun of them. while i will agree that the anger and hatred had something to with it i also want to point out that one reason (even if they didn’t notice) was to be part of something bigger. now that may sound stupid right now but i hope u understand by the end of this. The want and need for power and or respect is so big for multiple reasons my guess is that because while you CAN buy power the only way for you to receive respect is by your actions. I am sure that in the back of these boy’s minds they thought that sometime in the future they would be idolized by people who had also been tortured by there classmates. I am also sure that they were right, there MUST be someone or a group of someones that look up to these to murderers and wish they could also do something like this. MY idea is that every thing humans do is based on being part of something bigger then yourself. Think about it, why do we have friends? it is because we long for people to lean on and later to for them to lean on us. By yourself you cannot accomplish this but with other people you can be greater than just one of you. Still confused? well look at it like this , you may never have wanted to be part of an army, team, group, or rally; but i have the best example i can think of is the secret service. I have wanted multiple times in my life to be part of the secret service for 3 main reasons 1. I wanted to have more knowledge than people around me 2. I wanted to know that someone was depending on me and with out me things wouldn’t go as smoothly (the want of being needed) 3. I wanted to have on of those really cool ear pieces and look cool (like that could EVER happen) so anyways the only reason people want to be part of a team or something of the like is so that they can be better than they would be on there own which directly relates back to my original point of that humans/people long to be part of something bigger than them. No to quote V for Vendetta but you can kill an Idea so if you are part of a rally and everyone in the rally is killed you still can’t kill the idea behind the rally it’s self. If this is just a confusing ramble then post a comment and ask a question i will respond to your quest ASAP because i know this must be hard to read! thank you for taking some time out of your busy day to read this!